Toypupsohio

Enough with all the serious talk!!!  Here are a few funny "Fur Jokes" that I thought I'd share with all my fellow "Fur Friends"..

Etiquette For The Modern "Fur Kid"
1. Do stalk and attack your sibling when he/she is engaged in the act of Number Two...it's so hilarious to see them plop down in their own poop.  Mom won't thinks it's funny though, so act innocent..
2. Be well-mannered and walk over to the newspaper on which to do Number One. Wait for your human's praise...and then do a soft-shoe shuffle in the middle of the puddle. Watch the smile disappear from your humans's face.  Again, act innocent... 
3. Never ever do Number One or Number Two on dirtied wee wee pads. It is simply not hygienic. Wait for clean ones to be laid down, then do Number One. Wait for your human to clean up and spread fresh wee wee pads. Then you can do Number Two. Again wait for new ones. Then rip it to bits. Continue to act innocent!!
4. Never be loud during day time. Wait for 3 o'clock in the morning and then start up a game of "Who Can Howl The Loudest". When human comes to inspect, pretend their a burglar and attack their bare feet and shins.  Watch and laugh as they dance all over!!!
5. Table manners are for sissy dogs. Slurp as loud as you can. Stand two feet in the bowl for a better reach. Burp as loud as you can. Bump everyone out of the way. Better yet, bump them into the bowl because all the goodies will stick to their fur which you can lick off them later.
6. Show that your are a connoiseur of fine foods. Spit out whatever is new and strange. Or pretend to choke. That will get the Chef's attention!  In turn getting the tasty stuff you really want!!  As always, act innocent!!
7. Liven up meal time. Quickly gobble yourself full and then, while your siblings are still eating, stalk them and bite their tails and watch them nose dive straight into their doggie food, again allowing you to lick it off later.
8. Be be polite with sleeping space. Allow all your siblings to snuggle up against one another and only then do you climb on top of them... much softer, much warmer and no one will poke a paw in your face.
9. After a meal, groan as though you have a severe tummy ache. That is a sure way of getting yourself picked up for a rub and a cuddle.  Remembering to always act innocent even when your not!!!


Rules of the House
 

1. The dog is NOT allowed in the house.
2. OK, the dog IS allowed in the house, but ONLY in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in ALL rooms, but must stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the OLD furniture ONLY.
5. FINE, the dog is allowed on ALL the furniture, but he is NOT allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. The dog CAN sleep on the bed, but NOT under the covers.
7. The dog CAN sleep under the covers by invitation ONLY.
8. The dog CAN sleep under the covers EVERY NIGHT.
9. Humans MUST ASK permission to sleep under the COVERS with the dog!

Things all Doggies Need To Know

1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up, and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans' bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted criminal. When your humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down, and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as your humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
3. Let your humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then when your humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at your humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk, always pick the busiest and most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a "doggie clean up" bag.
6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking, gagging and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with your humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
10.

Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning 'pee'. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, and this will drive them nuts!)

The Top Ten Reasons Why a Dog Is Better than a Woman:

10. A dog's parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
...And the number one reason why a dog is better than a woman:
1. A dog does not shop.




Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Than Men:

10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
9. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
8. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
7. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
6. You can house train a dog.
5. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
4. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
3. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
2. Dogs don't care whether or not you shave your legs.
1. Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.



The following ad (for real) in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls:  Also my favorite!!!!

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and  fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever. Men are so easy...